Acceptance is the Answer
“…And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me. I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Unless I accept life
completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”
This quote is one of my all-time favorites. Do you recognize it? It’s an excerpt from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I’ve omitted a couple of specific references to alcohol, because I believe the words in this quote apply to all of us, no matter what we struggle with.
Years ago, I was a member of Al-Anon and two other 12-step programs, and they changed my life. I am so grateful for these programs that taught me invaluable principles for living. This particular quote on acceptance resurfaced for me last week as I was journaling with God about things in my life that felt overwhelming. Part of His response was a prompting to write my next blog on “Acceptance.” This quote instantly flooded my mind and reminded me that I was resisting things I had no control over. Just reading it caused me to immediately relax. God knew exactly what I needed.
The 3 A’s of Alanon
One of the frameworks from Al-Anon that I have found incredibly useful throughout my life is the “3 A’s of Al-Anon” — Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. This model helps in navigating life’s challenges through self-reflection, acknowledging reality, and taking steps toward positive change. Let’s explore each of these principles:
- Awareness involves recognizing and understanding our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and the nature of our struggles. It includes identifying patterns and triggers that influence our lives.
- Acceptance means acknowledging our feelings and experiences without judgment. It requires recognizing our powerlessness over certain situations and people, allowing things to be as they are rather than resisting them.
- Action entails taking concrete steps toward positive change—whether it’s making amends, developing healthier habits, or seeking support to navigate life’s difficulties.
While working with a counseling client some years ago, God brought this framework to mind, helping me explain why change is so difficult. That moment became the foundation for a model I later developed to explain the complex process of change. It has since become central to a course I teach called “Anatomy of Change,” which I will be offering again soon. This course is all about learning self-love and acceptance as a prerequisite for permanent change.
While Awareness and Action are both essential to the 3 A’s of Alanon, Acceptance is the key. Most of us are hyper-aware of the things we want to change about ourselves, often dwelling on them with harsh self-criticism. We long for transformation and frequently take drastic actions to achieve it, but lasting change continues to elude us. Why? Because we are missing the crucial step of Acceptance.
Let’s take an example. If you struggle with weight management, you may have tried countless diets, fasts, and workout regimens. You might have lost weight temporarily, only to gain it back—sometimes with a few extra pounds. Over time, discouragement and hopelessness set in. Despite all your efforts, you feel stuck in an exhausting cycle of trying and failing.
The missing piece? Acceptance. In this context, Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means acknowledging what is, without judgment. It’s not about liking the situation but about seeing it for what it is, without self-criticism. Easier said than done, right?
Embracing Acceptance
If we want to move from Awareness to meaningful Action, we must learn to embrace Acceptance. In my years as a therapist and coach, and through my own personal journey, I have found that this is one of the hardest yet most transformative things we can do. It requires us to embrace ourselves fully—imperfections and all—in ways that defy logic, social conditioning, and even family expectations.
At its core, Acceptance means learning to see ourselves the way God sees us. To do that, we must acknowledge who we are today and learn to accept ourselves—without judgment—knowing that we are on a lifelong journey of becoming who God created us to be.
I have intentionally pursued personal growth throughout my life—through prayer, scripture study, journaling, mindfulness, meditation, coaching, counseling, workshops, prayer partnerships, EFT tapping, EMDR, bodywork—you name it! Each of these has played a role in my growth, but nothing has been more powerful than learning Acceptance.
Acceptance takes us to places inside ourselves that we may not want to see and certainly don’t want others to see. Yet God already knows every part of us, and He loves and accepts us completely. If our purpose in this life is to become more like Jesus, we must also learn Acceptance—both of ourselves and of others.
Cultivating Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance is a lifelong journey and is foundational to our spiritual and emotional growth. The more deeply you embrace and love who you are, the more naturally you’ll extend that same grace and compassion to others. Here are some powerful ways to begin cultivating self-acceptance.
- Spend Time with God Daily – Regular prayer, scripture reading, and journaling create space to hear God’s voice over the voice of self-criticism. Ask God: “How do You see me?” and write down what you sense in your spirit.
- Challenge the Inner Critic – Notice when you are being harsh or judgmental toward yourself. Replace negative self-talk with truth: “I am a work in progress, and God is not finished with me yet.” Try affirmations like:
– I am worthy of love and grace.
– God’s love for me isn’t based on my performance. - Practice Mindfulness & Compassion – Tune into your thoughts and emotions, doing your best to let go of judgment. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend.
- Reflect on Your Story – Accepting your past is a big step toward accepting yourself. Journaling can help you process painful memories with compassion and curiosity, rather than shame. Here is a reflection prompt that may be helpful: “What have I overcome, and how has God been present in my story?”
- Speak Your Truth in Safe Spaces – Whether you speak to a trusted friend, a counselor, or a small group, talking openly about your struggles helps dissolve shame. Vulnerability is the birthplace of acceptance.
- Accept What You Cannot Change – Self-acceptance means acknowledging your humanity—your strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and flaws. Not everything needs fixing.
- Surrender Perfectionism – Let go of the unrealistic expectation that you must have it all together. God’s grace meets you right where you are, not where you think you “should” be.
- Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection – Keep track of small wins and ways you’re growing. Rejoice in who you are becoming, not just what you’re achieving.
Final Thoughts
My prayer is that you are stepping into a place of radical acceptance—of both yourself and others—because this shift has the power to transform every part of your life and relationships. If you’re feeling the need for extra support on this journey, stay tuned for my upcoming ‘Anatomy of Change’ course. I’d be honored to walk alongside you.